Dear Space Aliens: Our Leader is in … Malaysia?

In a bizarre move that has excited the news media and blogosphere, the United Nations has or soon will or may only just in rumor have nominated Dr. Mazlan Othman to be the Earth’s first ambassador to any extra-terrestials who should decide to stop deactivating our nuclear weapons systems and threatening to beat Earthlings who fail to cooperate with their reasonable demands for alien artifacts.

Dr. Mazlan Othman, an astrophysicist from Malaysia, leads the United Nations Office for Outer Space Affairs. Apparently, on the basis of some remarks she made about the U.N. being the appropriate (grid-locked) body to deal with any extra-terrestials who present themselves for a firm dressing down over all those suspected cattle mutilations, she has qualified herself to be Earth’s first ambassador to the Cosmos.

I guess they had to figure out something about who to pick after Carl Sagan died, and she is probably as good a choice as any. But in case anyone is alarmed about the United Nations appointing powers to itself, remember that governmental bodies have been doing that since time out of mind.

Just look at Hugo “Mr. Stench of Sulfur” Chavez, the self-appointed President-for-life of Venezuela. He is almost single-handedly destroying that country’s constitution and personal freedoms so that he may continue visiting New York for the purpose of defaming United States Presidents. That’s a fine example that humanity should set for space aliens, don’t you think?

They come all this way from … wherever it is they come from … just to get involved in our United Nations podium flame wars, so we should certainly appoint someone whom no one has ever heard of to be a moderator for their reasonable demands upon us. After all, according to Stephen “We don’t need no god” Hawking, the space aliens — if they ever decide to announce themselves to us — cannot be any more good for this planet than Christopher Columbus was good for the western hemisphere.

From the Native Americans’ perspective, that landing didn’t turn out very well at all.

Of course, as long as scientists at NASA believe that all space aliens should act exactly as NASA expects, we’re sure to be in complete control of the situation. After all, NASA doesn’t believe in cattle mutilations, so why should the rest of us?